to all who may be reading my history right now:

september is the history of some of my most disturbing, offending and controversial posts. further instructions will be given below.

thank you for visiting =)

xoxo;
11:59 pm

today's maths was okay. passable i tink, but i doubt i'd do too well. as i said before, i've screwed up millions of math papers and this one wont be any diff just cos its a promo paper. =x

anw, ytd was a dark day for my household. two counts of cannibalism were commited. in like. a few hrs apart frm each other. no. 1: the angels ate their own eggs T.T no. 2: hermit crabs fought and one died. T.T

aye. its a sad sad day. =\

xoxo;
11:44 pm

the worst way to miss a person is to be sitting next to her, knowing you cant have her.

no. that sounds wrong. tts totally wrong.

"the worst way to miss a person is to be sitting next to her, thinking you can have her, but not having the guts to try."

xoxo;
9:30 am

so. ytd i dint post. haha. was too busy doing stuff on ffxi (yea i dint study for chi k. lol)

anw, no run ytd cos my thighs were half dead if not alr dead. yup. so i din run. woke at 10 (i wanted to wake at 7 T.T) and er. started playing ffxi.

ffxi
ffxi
ffxi

until abt... 11pm. then i stopped ffxi-ing and went to slp. hahaha.

today:

chinese is finally over!! quite okay, can pass, can fail. may go either way. haha. yeah tts my idea of okay. means got a chance of passing. haha.

MORE FFXI!! ahem. cough cough. haha

tmr's maths. i'm almost out of papers in the promo guide. maybe its time to go finish them. yup. tts wad i'll go do. i'll abstain frm ffxi for the next.. 16 hrs. haha.

quote jason: 'ur the only person who wld assult me from behind like that'

hahaha =x

xoxo;
9:03 pm

to all who may read my blog's history:

below u will find a series of disturbing and/or offending entries. if u find ur name mentioned in any of the following, gd for u. u actually mean something to me. hahaha. however, if u dont like what i have sad abt u, come to me and talk. i'll explain myself or give u a satisfying lie. flame me and u'll get nothing. except maybe an ip ban. =)

xoxo.

xoxo;
8:59 pm

wah today's run was good.

17 mins, 744 to 801. shorter than ytd's by a bit. and no bites today. haha. but man my thighs THEY BURN! so i doubt i shall be running tmr. i'll de darned if i cant do the paper on thurs and friday cos of a bad thigh. haha.

anw, the focus of today's post shall be MY DAD'S AQUARIUM!! haha. i swear my house is turning into some farm. haha. my dad's tank now officially has angelfish eggs. just laid today. haha. i wonder if they'll survive tho. cos in a community tank its hard to feed the fry and prevent them from turning into feed themselves.

but anw, its so inspiring la. the way the mommy takes care of the eggs and the way the daddy stood guard (the stupid fish actually charged at me when i put my face near the tank la. then it went WHAM into the glass wall. lol) BUT AHH! so freaking cute la. my dad's tank is famous for breeding all sorts of weird fish. we had a few broods of discus tt died cos they were eaten by the other discus, and we had a cichlid brood before. i tink only 3 survived to adulthood tho. the rest died on the way there. but we only had a small brood to begin with.

and just last week i had a group of shrimp hatch in my own tank. haha. my tank's been breeding shrimp since a few years back. no wait. maybe just 2. yeah. i had 3rd gen shrimp until one day the lights went out and we dint get replacements for 2 weeks. by then everything disappeared except 2 crystal shrimp. which i cant breed. for i dunno wad reason. haha. anw, the specie tt i'm breeding is cherry shrimp. saw the news reports last sunday? yeah. haha.

ah. long post. anw, i need to get ready for the reopening of my blog. hm. i wonder if i shd get a new skin. got the time, got no inspiration.

its always hardest to get inspiration to do a skin. hm.

xoxo;
7:45 pm

i'm feeling really high today. as in. on the drums. not anywhere else, not yet. haha.

its really been a damn long time since i drum so madly on my kit la. its almost as if i wanted to kill someone but i cldn. but no, it wasnt. i was like. inspired to go crazy fast today. hahaha. i tink my drumkit will spoil in a few months (days) if i continue drumming like this. but AHHH so fun. my hands looked as tho they were bleeding. but it was actually cos my drumsticks' red paint was wearing off. haha.

anw. this morning i went jogging. DAMN FREAKY LA. i ran into this cloud of dunno-wad-flies. tt was right when i started running. okay. so i run. nothing happened. finished 3.4km in 18 mins. okay only la. quite bad actually. haha. so anw. when i reached home. walked into the lift. i WANTED TO DIE K. hahaha. fucking flies stung me all over the face. and it began to swell. lucky when i was still visible to the public eye it was quite invisible.

after i reached home. and sat down to cool off. wah frick my face looked like the alps. only it was red. and wet. and DISGUSTING. omgzzzzzzz. my dad freaked when he saw me la. hahaha. totally freaked. gave me the entire first aid kit, got me to shower _immediately_ and told me to apply calamine all over my face. and if it doesnt die down, call my mom and go to the doc. apparently he thot it was a whole lot of beestings. my theory is tt it was mayflies. and it was itchy as hell. all over my face. argh. i wanted to die. LOL

so anw. it died down after awhile. so yup. i'm gonna go run again tmr. this morning was 651 - 709. yup. tts in the morning. wonder how long it'll take tmr.

but really. running quite helps with staying awake to study. i run in the morning, come bakc play ffxi frm 8-12 and i'm still really awake. as u can see frm my drumming fit. haha. i'm gonna run again tmr and wed. but woah. laziness takes its toll. haha.

i needa get my stamina back! =x

xoxo;
4:03 pm

i just realised how beautiful the evening sun can be.

anw. ever notice how i disappear frm my blog when i'm feeling high.. haha. yeah. its one of those cases where i drop dead for a couple days then go really high for a couple days too. then er. dunno wad happens after tt. =x

anw, to all those who may be reading my history right now (yeah. i'm writing this to all future readers. which would be you.) what i have written further down would be all the rants and stuff. so. if it concerns you or anything like that, flame my board and i wont bother. u gonna come straight to me and ask me what's my problem. you got me?

well. hm. i was gonna post an entry abt how i tink speaking perfect english is pointless. i actually have an argument tt says tt we shd speak more singlish. or colloquial english rather than perfect eng. haha. i tink i'll do tt tmr. no pt doing today since i wanna play FFXI!

i finally got a subjob ytd thx to xuande =D

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years

xoxo;
6:21 pm

'life seems so much easier when u haf smt fun to do x)'

today was the ki paper. i dont wanna comment much on it lest i get flamed and/or something else which is the result of my results turning out contrary to what i think. but i thought it was okay. i just hope to pass with at least 50% so my average gets pulled up to an E. i just needa pass. =x

after tt we had an interview with mediacorp radio djs. was very fulfilling. like totally. fulfilling. alot of info in the shortest interview we've had so far. it was gd. and erm. the djs look diff in real life than in their photos. haha. i shant comment any further =x

i tink its exam stress or smt. but i feel much better after the ki paper. feel so gd tt i levelled twice in one day in ffxi. haha. yeah. my blog will be back. end sept. watch out for it.

xoxo;
1:27 am

i had a gd chat with stanley just now, while we were on the bus and while walking back.

apparently i was wrong again. i actually can speak to stan abt this stuff. he has changed quite alot in this short time. the last time we spoke abt this.. he wasnt that mature yet. now he appears to haf grown even 'older' than me. apparently tt event changed him quite alot.

but yeah. it was a nice enjoyable chat all the same. its been awhile since i spoke to stanley abt stuff other than our band. stuff tts closer to our hearts. haha.

on a not so good note. lately i havent been able to sleep so well.. its like i can get into my bed at 11 or 12, then toss and turn under my sheets for maybe an hr or two before getting to sleep. its really frustrating.. bleh.

tmr's the ki paper. hope i dun screw up.

and altho i know u guys cant see it, gd luck for the promos!! they're finally starting.

quoting a conversation between me and eileen,

'gp is ur life now? so tmr must be the climax of ur life.'
'yeah! so exciting.'

gd luck all! =)

xoxo;
5:00 pm

yeah, but before that, some ranting.

i really wonder if she knows that what she says hurts me. and that hurt doesnt make me back off. when i get hurt, i fight back. its a natural instinct, even though i dont intend to hurt her in return. maybe what she says is just to make me back off or smt. or to give me signals. like the likes of which i shall not put here since i know people will read it sooner or later anw. for the same reason i wont be putting names here.

yeah. i mean. theres this other person that has irritated me several small times. but when it came big once i got totally pissed. dint talk to that person for maybe a couple weeks. and kept badmouthing that person too. but with her. she says stuff tt gets me intoa retaliatory mood. i do it abit. but then i stop myself. i get really frustrated with this sometimes.

cos i cant bring myself to hurt her. yet she does it like its nothing.

i really think sometimes i'm being too nice. also, as a random other thought. why cant people be natural for once?? why must they all don masks and parade around in them? if i were to remove ur mask, where would u hide?

why cant people just be natural. why..

i need to post smt tt i ranted to someone just now. its kinda paraphrased.

'its colder here(our world. my world.) than it is there, if not colder.'
'the stories u hear, of warm, sunny islands on earth are abit like microsoft's proclamation of its products'
'it always looks warm. but u'll really be freezing. u'll need protection and u haf none'
'the only warmth you can find is within urself.'
'but u can only depend on urself for warmth. noone's nice enough to lend u theirs'

'u bleed just to know tt ur alive.'

xoxo;
11:13 pm

these few days my mood swings haf been returning.

dunno la. dun ask me why. i dunno why either. doesnt look like its ending very soon anyway. but yaknow, the last time i said this it ended the day after. so maybe it might. i dunno.

but i needa prepare for my blog's re-opening. i need to start blogging normally again. maybe a new skin even.

xoxo;
8:03 pm

ARGH. i tink my PW grpmates are pissed with me.

i tink its cos they tink i'm pushing them too hard for the wr. i mean. i cant blame them la. its quite hard to do so much in such a short time wrt the wr. but still.. we need to get it done soon. i cant posibly do it all by myself. no wait. i just did. just now. for the entire evening. bleh.

my pw grp is just dead la k. our report is dismal and noone wants to do anything abt it. we havent got any resources for our OP, and our DJs just refuse to reply to us.

so in effect we can only work with people that have an obligation to us. anything else, and its no go. tt goes the same way with the wr. i have no obligation over them. i can only 'suggest' that they give me their parts today. so if they're pissed over me rushing them for their parts, i tink i can only blame myself.

i tink i understand how teachers feel now. its like ur pushed by a deadline but noone wants to cooperate. when u get forceful, they retaliate. or work, albeit wilfully.

ah. wadever la. i just dont wanna bring up this stuff before the OP. i dont wanna ruin the group bonding (if there even was any) any more than it alr is.

maybe i shd just do the rest of the wr myself.

xoxo;
10:47 pm

yesterday i had a good chat with yanqin. for once.

but still i cant believe tt i predicted tt she wld say 'like i care' or smt along those longs. its soo accurate its quite unbelievable. but still. it developed into a meaningful chat. which is maybe the first once since a long time ago.

which is in contrast to the chats i haf with rong'en la. in which case all the long ones are meaningful.

anw, if anyone is to visit our kib blog now u wld sorta see how demoralised we are. the ki cohort in nj is sorta dying. sorta only. i'm really sad abt my ki la. i've never passed a single essay and/or critical thinking qn. seriously. i feel so screwed for ki la. i'm dead.

dead for ki. i just hope tt my other stuff dont die. =x

xoxo;
3:52 pm

today i missed drums. on accident. bleh.

anw, went to the aquarium, and there i saw this fat dude with a beer belly wearing a white HPB tee tt said 'Healthy weight. Make it happen.' on the back. how ironic.. haha.

yeah. i tink a while of blogging all my feelings out all at one go has made me feel better. its almost like theres someone there listening to me rant. i tink the first post of all, that very powerful one was the best of them all. i just let it all out there. feel so much better now. ytd's long post too. i feel so much better now.. ah. the self-psycho works.

now i need to self-psycho something else. i must wait. wait for the promos to end, before even thinking about it. i think self-psycho works good. since that period where i stopped psycho-ing myself i've been deteriorating. now tt its back on, its working good, and i'm beginning to feel better.

i just hope tt it isnt ruined by sch tmr, or any other day.

nana 21 out!!

xoxo;
6:20 pm

i'm well aware tt i need to be careful abt wad i write, cos people from the future (2 wks in the future, to be exact) are gonna come after me when they see these posts.

so yea. i'm still gonna write in circles abit just to make sure tt its not that obvious.

so. 2nd time today. i'm kinda wondering.. is this all worth my time? is it at all..? sometimes i wonder if i wanna dedicate so much time and mental strength to this cause. its hard. esp letting go. one day when if it fails i'm gonna haf a hard time accepting the fact tt i cant enjoy it anymore. maybe at first i'll like it. but soon after tt i'll begin to miss it and i'll lose touch. i wont be able to hold onto them like i used to. its happened before. i was so good at it at one time. then i totally lost it and i can no longer do what i could. its very disappointing. and it was just a matter of a few months.

so should i put more time into it again? i know the band will be worth it all.. but putting my time into a living thing. a totally unpredictable entity. anything could happen. i wish to divert attention to one of my best friends' experiences. it was totally terrible for him. left him in shambles for weeks. was over even before it began, and even now he feels the after-effects of it. i dont want it to happen to me. a person's emotions are way more fragile than his skills as a drummer. i stop drums for 2 months, i can pick it up soon enough. but break my heart once and i wont be seeing the light of day for a long time.

esp since i'm alr feeling so demoralised now. and its not just abt one problem. its a number of them.

but having a weak mentality is half the battle lost. maybe i shd keep my options open? i'm still young. why be tied down? why stress myself up so badly?

but still. its hard to keep ur head up when u haf such a large load on ur back. and its like i'm carrying all this alone, with my parents helping me with some parts of it.

they got it before, they did. think too much and end up quite depressed. i'm sorta into it now too. i must snap out of it. i need to be strong. the promos are coming and i must be in top shape to do well enough to stay on 06s14 (changing class may not be a bad idea too). it was never in my lifeplan to be retained in jc1. and i cant drop ki. i just cant.. i dont want to take econs. GP isnt half bad, but not econs. or any other contrasting. i wont be able to handle it.

but what am i doing abt this? i'm playing my days away like its the end of the world tmr. i know this yet i cant stop myself. i cant face my notes.. i promised myself that i wld start the wk after the hols. but that week never came. to me, at least.

still, i live on as EoZei, or Zenyxion. i never emerged from the sept hols as shaun. it gets even more confusing, since now i'm even called !shxop. i'm not shaun anymore. shaun has died. or at least. he now lives in the shadow of EoZei, the mad virtual alter-ego.

but still. shaun's feelings continue to show. they materialise in the form of these blog posts, which EoZei has cruelly locked up to prevent outside interference. EoZei knows that noone will come and free shaun, so he's using this time. he's using it to his advantage. he wants to ruin the body. weaken the mind. then one day its gonna end.

i need to fight back. EoZei cannot take over me now. not now. every morning in school, the person u see is EoZei, not shaun. this person sitting next to u laughs along with u, jokes with u, crapz along with u, but u dont know tt its not really shaun. its eozei. at night, when u come onto msn and see this dude by the name of EoZei on ur msn list, he's really shaun. someone save me. save me now. infact, someone refers to one person.

i once wrote this on my blog, maybe a year and 5 months ago.

i locked my feelings in chests and scattered the keys to the world. some lucky people have one, or a few keys, and they may use it to their whim.

now i know. that people arent all good. they can open the chest, mess up the stuff inside and lock it back up. they then keep the key to themself. only to open the chest another day just to play around with what's inside.

but i must be positive. what if they're doing it unintentionally? or maybe its a test. they wanna mess it up and see how long it takes to rearrange itself.

what if..

so i need to be strong.

i'm sure all this self-psycho is gonna work. i am the master of self-psycho. i will force myself into the daylight again. i will control EoZei, not the other way around.

i will control my life.

xoxo;
1:20 am

i just woke up (not really early) but alr i'm thinking abt that stuff. its really kinda annoying.

why am i behaving like this? i dont wanna let people see my 'sadness', but probably upon close observation they can tell on their own. so what's this crap abt hiding my blog posts..?

but really. blogging has become so much more enjoyable ever since i made my posts private. now theres no more any need to write in confusing talk-to-myself ways that everyone else has been using. i no longer need to use my 'inner voice' to make things abit more obscure when i speak to myself abt my feelings. i can write abt anything i want and not take responsibility since noone's gonna read this but me.

but yes. i am aware that come end-sept these posts will be revealed to the public. so i must be discreet in what i write.

so again. why this sadness? is it really a cycle as i haf told rong'en? or maybe its about.. something. upon some consideration, isnt it quite clear that all 3 times i entered this 'cycle' it was about.. something? why am i like this..?

6 months ago i told myself that i did not want to throw myself into such a mess again. emotions. feelings. they run astray when u fail to control them. and that's what's happening now.

i am quite disappointed that only rong'en cared enough to ask abt my well-being. maybe tts really how much i'm worth to my friends.

maybe it is. then i have a reason to cry.

but no. i must be strong.

xoxo;
11:39 am

suddenly i wonder if the band's gonna work out. it seemed so promising at first, but flaws are showing.

we're all so different. stan likes indie, chriselle country, and i, punk. we're all of diff styles; doing one song wld mean that someone else has to compromise and do smt they dont enjoy. come to tink abt it.. i dunno wad katlyn and ben are like. they're kinda soft.

which brings me to my next pt. we're all at diff energy levels too. ben, kat and chriselle are kinda dead. or at least. maybe they havent find the way to open themselves up yet. i know ben can start rocking, but he tends to close up. then on the other hand, stan is too enthu. he's like the life of the band. he's the only life in the band, infact. i cant do much either. i'm just sitting there. too much contrast in the band isn gonna be good.

then comes our diff styles. chriselle is closed up and all so she'd be great in a scoustic, ballad band where they dont hafta move ard much but show loads of emotion in their eyes. stan is too alive. give him a guitar and a mike and he'll rock the stage on his own. i'm too choosy with my styles of songs.. i cant play indie, funk, techno.. etc etc. the list goes on. i can only do rock and ballads. benjamin and katlyn just go along with anything. i mean. then we dont know whether they mind at all or not.

not to mention tt stanley has too many opinions. tends to lay them onto people too much, imo.

i dunno la. i love my band and all, but it might not work out after all. i wonder how long this is gonna last.

xoxo;
11:12 pm

i tink now i know why nana appeals to me so much. the anime. not the character.

its prolly cos i can put myself into their shoes.. understand them. then apply their feelings to my own. i'm a musician, like one nana, and a love-wreck like the other nana. its like. i can just feel them. maybe tt's wad makes a good anime yea. one tt allows the viewer to feel the way the character is like. one tt allows the viewer to dream while watching the anime. to let his thoughts roam, his imagination run wild. sorta like, what if i went pro in music one day? what if one day i get attached to my dream girl? and stuff like that. it just works well.

anw, whatever it is, i just love the anime. it so rocks.

yea. and i still dont feel so good. so its not yet time to get this blog back into public mode. i dunno why, but i can laugh and smile when i'm with my friends, but the momeny i leave them and enter isolation, i feel like i'm the only one in the school.

so i guess since i cant do anything abt this weird feeling, i just gotta find ways to avoid it. whack the drums, slam a tennis ball etc. they all work. quite well, even. when i'm thinking abt a new fill, or a solo arrangement on my drums, everything just leaves me. someone can open the door and sit around and watch me, and i wldnt know. jared's done that before. yeah. i just get so into the drumset tt i cant get my mind off it. it works real well.

so until then. i guess its just good that i stay away from people. lest i end up killing them. heh.

xoxo;
6:30 pm

finally. some way with which i can really write a blog. a diary. for my emotions and feelings. most ppl wldn be able to read it. only the extremely curious wld. there's one pretty obvious way to read it. but who wld care any, huh? u know u'd say that.

but who cares anyway.

what's wrong with me?!?! i'm so sad these days its just not normal. and come to think abt it, theres noone that i can talk to. nobody. noone's there to listen. i know stanley says i can talk to him, but i dont wanna look stupid infront of him. yanqin says i can talk to her. but heck. she's so attitude tt she'd give me a one-liner and stop it there. like ur lousy or who cares.

where's this blind seething rage coming from? i feel so mad i could just beat someone up and not feel a thing. the exams are coming and i feel nothing for them. my friends are mugging but to hell with them anyway. let them score their A's. i dont care. i just wanna run away and never come back now. i wanna go on a years' MC and come back to a whole new NJ when all my current classmates are gone. or maybe i shd go for NS next year, come back 2 years later and do JC1 again.

cos u can get real friends anywhere but there.

and it doesnt stop here. i've got so much to rant about, but i cant be bothered. i mean, who cares anyway? i'm dying inside where noone can see it. one day i'm just gonna disappear. maybe the whole of the dec hols i'll just go mia and maybe i can start anew in a new class next year if i get my nus/ntu h3.

dont smile when ur mad
but i cant help it.
then vent ur anger on something.
tt's why i love my drumset so much. but it is alas a work of electronics, theres only so much ranting it can take.
find someone to talk to
LIKE I HAVENT!?
what about rong'en?
dont feel like it. he wont listen. he wont understand how i feel. noone does. tts why i cant talk to anyone.
cant say anything until u try.
dont say anything u cant prove.
...

i cant help it. i smile to people, but inside i feel like whacking them. i stay away from people so i wont get hurt anymore. but when i do, i get lonely, but when i get around people again, i just end up wanting to get away from them again.

ur gonna kill urself like that.

who cares anyway.

xoxo;
10:13 pm

argh. i swear i should stop watching these shows. its making me so damn emo. i could almost cry. its like watching a korean drama only in anime form. so i could watch the entire series in a few hrs. DAMNIT. i'm gonna die if i continue like this.

why cant every story end like chrno crusade did? why is it tt the ending song is so damn good at bringing out the right emotions at the right times? argh. i'm addicted. its like a drug. makes u sad and emo but u just cant stop.

fuck. ur killing urself. stop it..

xoxo;
7:10 pm

i'm not feeling well
i'm not feeling good

all that, and my tiredness..

i'm not in a good mood. tts all i can say.

xoxo;
4:29 pm

2kiB totally rocks. hahaha

today we gave benzie our (belated) teachers' day gift. hahaha. it was real fun la. it wasnt a prank or anyth, but the whole class had a hell of a time wasting half the lesson in reminiscence and laughter.

'fear not, my loyal followers. we shall find the signal soon'

tt was a classic. hahaha.

HAPPY belated TEACHERS' DAY BENZIEEE!!!!

and ur not overdressed. dont worry. haha

xoxo;
7:31 pm

wahhhhh. lesson with the replacement teacher is SUPER sian.

just to fill everyone in, just recently my class was disbanded cos our teacher had some concert rehearsal to attend to. the rehearsal was frm 3.30 onwards every sunday, so inevitably, my class wld be affected. so its either change timing or byebye. since they cldn get a replacement teacher. tt was 2 wks ago.

today. they got us a replacement teacher. and like at least half of each class (4pm and 5pm classes) left the programme. so its like. left with 5 of us. 2 frm my class and 3 frm the 4pm class. (apparently the 4pm class wasn as fast as we were x)) so rite. we're gonna combine class. and we're getting a new teacher.

and i swear if he doesnt change his style i'm gonna quit and take single lessons. hahaha. he's super sian la. he goes so slow. which is hardly my style when it comes to drumming. some wld know tt i'm not very particular abt my teachers' teaching styles. so i like most of them. so u can sorta infer how much i detest his style. too slow, i say. and i doubt we'd be going into bk 2 until year-end. so yeah.

but anywayyyy. i still bought bk 2 today. hahaha. so fun la. i can take my time to practice at home. then when they finally go into bk 2 i can erm. be more prepared. x)) so cool la. but ***** the book is hard. bleah. i cant do some stuff without my teacher explaining stuff. and i want my former teacher back!! i cant do anything with this guy.

and 3rd pair of drumsticks today. x)) but tt also means tt i haf no space left for my sticks. haha

anw. i guess ur right. maybe i shd be evil only when i need to. hahaha. but it felt so good being so damn evil ytd. hahahaha. okay. so its back to not-so-evil me. *evil laughter fades away*

xoxo;
7:24 pm

i seriously gotta work on my stamina. this morning just played tennis for 2 hrs. at the end of the 2 hrs i felt as if i was gonna faint. seriously. terrible la. the morning just dint start out right. lets just see how my day is gonna turn out.

talk to them like they're your equals, and you encourage them to think they're your equals. u've been too nice to her. tts why she talks to you like that.

xoxo;
12:06 pm

JAMMING ROCKS!!! hahaha.

actually, my band rocks. x)) 4 songs in 3 hours!! hahaha. we are uber. infact, its not 3 hrs. its more like 2 hrs and 20 mins cos the guitars too like 40 mins to tune and set up. bleah. haha.

a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me"
born to fly
jesus of suburbia
somewhere only we know.

fall out boy
sarah evans
greenday
lifehouse.

we are awesome. i swear. its their loss tt they dint take us in for ndc.

xoxo;
7:12 pm

argh. my comp seriously has problems with cboxes. and the internet, for tt matter. something weird's going on with my network. so yeah. i'll be able to read and reply to my cbox, but i wont be able to view most of other's ppls' cboxes. and reading my own cbox is also pretty out of the way. so i'll only do it once in a while. unless ppl tell me they tag. haha. if not, yeah. once in a few days.

i feel like killing my internet explorer.
do it.

JAMMING!!! =DDDD

xoxo;
11:52 am

outing time with s21 buds is really awesome. haha. it doesnt even hafta be all of them. just a few of my good frens will do.

driving 101.

1. never filter lanes perpendicular to the direction of the road.
2. when u filter lanes, do it one at a time.
3. watch if theres anyone behind you before u filter.
4. use the freaking signals!!

hahahaha. we were playing daytona just now, and sijing just rocks at it la. she can "cross" the road with her car. its almost like driving past a red light at a cross junction. except tt its not a junction, and its not a cross. she just like. flies across the road for no reason. hahaha. and i swear, its damn dangerous to drive behind her. cos all those stupid AI cars swerve out of the way to avoid her, then they crash into me. and tts when i'm lapping her. -.-; someone remind me never to play daytona with sijing again? hahaha xP

well, yeah. it was a gd day out today. x)

xoxo;
11:39 pm

back then, i told myself.
u promised me.
that i wouldnt get myself back into this mess.
back? why back?
but now here it is again. i'm back here at these crossroads. where i need to choose. where i need to go.
but you dont have to choose now.
where i wanna go. where it will be happy for me.
will you be happy at all? or maybe u'll be happy all ways.
but its still a big mess. i'm a big mess. inside.
yeah. ur messing me up.
perhaps i should just let go.
yeah. just let go.
perhaps i should hang on.
yeah. just hang on.
but whatever it is..

i need someone to talk to.
i need someone to talk to.

so thank god for rong'en. he was as a jewel on the ground by my feet. there i stood. looking around; looking for someone to talk to, but i never thought of looking near where i was. somewhere close to me. physically, of course.

it feels much better to be on the side of the once receiving help for once. i swear. i've never had anyone to talk to regarding this matter. now i do. or i did. whatever.

but still, thank god for rong'en.

xoxo;
4:06 am

so yaknow. steve irwin died recently? my post is not gonna be abt him, but its gonna be abt the turtles tt ppl haf been putting on their msn nicks.

i mean, wad's the point? u see the turtle, u remember irwin..? is that the way u wanna be remembered in the future? i dont really see it as meaningful. imagine one day, when u die of a stingray's sting through ur heart. it wld be weird to be remembered by having people put turtles in their nicknames. its like sooner or later ppl are gonna associate him with turtles.

ah. but waddeheck. it was an unjustified death anyway. its his fault for being careless and swimming over a 4m long manta. hahaha. but his documentaries were awesome. o well.

anw, i owe u peeps a story i guess. on friday (1st sep) i got a new computer!! hahaha. it was so unexpected la. rmb tt post where i started off by saying tt my comp was dying dying dead? yeah. my comp really was dying. it was due to my ram connectors oxidising. bleah. but when i went out with xuxu, tom and mich on friday, i received a call frm my parents saying tt they were going to comex to get me a new computer. i was like. shocked. hahaha.

and another event happened later on.. which is gonna be a little embarassing to say, so i wun say. but yeah. my parents rock. hahaha.

xoxo;
11:11 pm

ms chue's teachers' day dinner was fun x)

i dunno, but it felt like we spent more time with ourselves than with her. hahaha. but yeah. it was still fun nonetheless. nothing very extravagant, just pool, table tennis, and the kids' playroom. but yeah, it was fun. hahaha. dinner was cheap and omggreat.

i shant elaborate more, but yeah. 'twas good. muarharhs.

i dont wanna go sch tmr!! =\ kaixuan u support me in ponning right?? hahaha

xoxo;
1:01 am

memories flooding back..

xoxo;
1:37 am

this is stupid. -.-; i refreshed my template and *poof* i cld see my cbox again. and i realised tt i cld actually see some cboxes, but all of them had smt in common - they were either in black, white or grey. mehhhh. i cant be bothered la. hahaha. i'm just gonna wait for everyone to update their skins. just so tt i can see cboxes. again. LOL

i'll update y'all on the happenings of ytd later on.

xoxo;
4:20 pm

damn. why cant i view cboxes on the internet zone..? its kinda weird. cos if i'm in a mixed intranet i can view cboxes. on the internet i cant. and quite sadly on the mixed intranet i can view only my own cbox.

the most puzzling part is that the code for the cbox doesnt even show up on the page source. i haf a feeling tt my security or privacy settings are causing this.. just a hunch.

back to work.

--------------------------------------------------------
IE hanging - solved
Splendid causing vids to mess up - solved
cboxes not loading - pending

and more to come.

xoxo;
3:15 pm

i've finally got it working.. i'll post more abt this later on. i'm so tired tt i'm just gonna fall asleep on my comp table. like about.. now.

*snore*

xoxo;
3:36 am

its kinda sudden, but this is gonna be the last time i'm blogging on my computer. seeya.

xoxo;
11:10 pm

hmms. today was a really eventful day. haha.

first up, school. i was gonna be really qian4 bian3 today and wear my antaios. so i did. but no aces. not tt its a bad ting, i REALLY hate aces anw. but meh. its been a while since i wore antaios in sch. but yeah. it rained like hell the way i totally love it and so aces was cancelled hoohah!! haha. there were some crazy plans for us ch ppl to skip sch totally and run to cat high before the concert started,, but meh. we dint really.

the concert was kinda messed up. kinda sian. but the council's performance was rather good. as in the skit. cos it was really cold. hahaha. blue_prints anyone? but still. i wanna perform. i miss the feeling of being on stage. its really exhiliarating. but i digress. haha. anw, the concert was boring. i ran out at abt 920. but the concert ended at like 940? man. it was like i dint even run outta sch. haha

oh yeah. i did mention tt i wore full cat high uniform today rite. i saw them. behind the corners.. hiding behind their friends.. they were laughing! omg. but meh. who cares. i know the ch uniform is kinda ew but its still my uniform nonetheless. looking ew once in a while and making ppl laugh is okay. x)

after tt came the cat high visit. nothing much to say, since the teachers had to leave soon after we arrived. but we got to see our teachers again. apparently they're all having problems with ahem ahem ahem. yeah. but we cldn say much since the walls had ears. so we talked abt politically correct and/or neutral stuff. haha.

time passed really quick while i was with them. though i have to say tt we haf really gone our separate ways. we're all so different now.. so. unbonded. i cant really speak to most of my non-nj sec sch friends now. its like. no more common topics.. no common dislikes, no common likes. nothing to talk abt.. its kinda sad. but i'm still glad to see them nonetheless. perhaps one day we will come back and we can talk like old friends. how we missed the gd old days in ch. how we used to go back to cat high and see our teachers. how we had our common problems with ahem ahem ahem.

so. after tt was the cca seniors' farewell. it was successful to some extent this time rd. definitely more successful than before tho. but yeah. the xbox was really well used. haha. we had so much excess food tt zhao xuan was like going ard telling all of us how much our families liked chicken wings. hahaha. playing indian poker was fun too. for some reason only eesha and zhao xuan got forfeits tho. two each. out of a playing grp of seven ppl? hahaha.

then came the exco election results. i gotta say, i'm kinda disappointed. i got some unknown exco position. haha. not vice, not capt. but yeah. contrary to wad i said, i'm not gonna bitch. cos i gotta admit tt rayshio has done alot in these few wks while i skipped training like there was no tmr. haha

but yeah. i'm gonna take this opportunity.. to further my career in the music industry! haha. less work in tennis means more time to be dedicated to my band. muarharhs.

u will see more of us next yr. x)

JAMMING!! I WANT!! =DDD

xoxo;
12:10 am